To all of the sport writers and reporters all around the country: QUIT CALLING IT SPYGATE! IT WASN'T WITTY THE FIRST TIME SOMEONE SAID IT, AND IT ISN'T WITTY 6 OR SO WEEKS AFTER IT HAPPENED!!!!!

Which brings me to my point in actually writing tonight: I hate sports media. All of it. They're all a bunch of morons who can't come up with anything original so they say the same things over and over again.

OK, maybe the fault doesn't lie solely with the reporters. I don't know where it lies. But I still hate the sports reporting industry.

Normal news reporting is OK. They report a story, you read it, you learn something. There is a separate page for opinions, and it says "Opinion" at the top. There you read about what the morons around town think, and if you became smarter for reading news earlier, you just became dumber for reading this. I throw in my moronic two cents every once in a while, just to make someone else dumber. Life is good.

But there are several problems with sports reporting. First of all, apparently just showing the news around sports is too boring, or it isn't long enough, so they have to inject interviews with players, whether during a game (when I'd honestly rather be watching an idiotic commercial or listening to the commentators) or during the actual newscast itself (Sportscenter, for instance) - these are all the same and all completely retarded. The questions are all the same and the answers are all the same. If you know something interesting about a player, don't ask him about it. Tell me about it in between plays during the game. But I probably don't care, so you're safer just not reporting it. I also don't care what Peyton Manning thinks his team has to do to beat whatever team they're playing. First of all, it doesn't matter. How does me knowing what he thinks they have to do affect anything? Secondly, the answers are the same. They either need to run the ball more or control the ball better or play defense. I'd love to see a player say they need to play dirty and try to get away with committing penalties.

The second problem with sports reporting is that it mixes opinions with actual news too much. If you watch the NFL recap (I forget what the show is called) on ESPN on Mondays, they show some footage of the games, then a bunch of clean-cut guys in suits talk about why this or that happened, or what this or that team can do to get better in the future, or why this or that team sucks. I want to say "Why the hell should I care what you think?" and "How the hell can you know that?" and "Who are you to judge that team? Do you coach? No? Then shut the fuck up." Having an opinion is fine, but don't put these opinions in these shows. You can claim to be an expert all you want, but sports are completely unpredictable, and that's why they can be so enjoyable. Honestly, would you go to every Bison game if you knew every game was going to be an 80-0 rout? It would be sort of fun, but close nerve-wracking games like the recent Bison-Gophers game are much more exciting. I remember several years ago when the Patriots had an excellent team (I think they won a Super Bowl that year), but they got beat in the regular season by the Dolphins. The Dolphins! The Dolphins have had one of the worst football teams over the last 4 or 5 years, and they beat the Patriots. How many retarded sports reporters saw that coming? And this year provided one of my favorite examples. I even had to go back to find this internet site so I could bookmark it and laugh at this moron. Some guy who writes for Fox Sports wrote an article about the "10 burning questions" for the NFL before the start of the NFL season. One question was whether Randy Moss would do anything in New England. His answer was "no." I will quote him here: "...but his days as a must-double No. 1 receiver are behind him...He's still fast, but he's not unfairly fast anymore. Plus, Brady loves to spread it around. Moss may be able to avoid sulk mode, but he won't have 1,000 yards receiving or double-digit TDs." I wish I could meet this guy so I could rub that idiotic remark in his face. I don't claim to know a lot about football, but I would know better than to ever try to make a prediction like that. Randy Moss had 10 touchdowns after 7 games, already has 779 yards, and is on pace to tie the single season receiving touchdown record. But I don't think he'll get it since he is DOUBLE COVERED ALL OF THE TIME NOW. Fuck you, Kevin Hench.

Finally, sports reporting is retarded because they also need to have completely unnecessary conversations about certain topics. For example, last year (I think) everyone had to talk about whether or not Tomlinson is the best running back of all time. First of all, fuck you. No, seriously, I think he is a great running back, but I have three problems with that particular conversation. 1) It is too early in his career to have that conversation. 2) Can you ever definitively say one person is the "best of all time?" No.There are too many other factors with anything to make a call like that. Would a different running back do as well or better than him with that same offensive line? If you can't answer that, or any of many other questions that are unanswerable, you can't say he's the best of all time. 3) Why does it matter? It goes back to their need to fill time or something. I don't care if you think Tomlinson is the best running back ever; I'd rather see some highlights of him scoring touchdowns.

In summary, and in general: Fuck you, Sportscenter.





Man, that felt good. I haven't written an angry bit like that in a while, and I haven't written the word "fuck" very much lately. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Awesome.

First of all, congratulations to Mike and Jamie on their (your) soon-to-be-acquired house. It looks good for *shudder* babies. Actually, I just wanted an excuse to use *shudder*. It looks nice, though. Espeically that big shop and such in the basement. If I had a house with that, I'd feel like I should know how to build things. So I'd get rid of most of the shop stuff and put a pool table there to cover up my inadequacy. And I'm not sure I spelled inadequacy right.

Random thoughts:

Mike, your fantasy football team name is awesome.

If I was on a football team that lost a game 105-0, I'd probably slit my wrists.

Asshat is a fun name to call someone.

Nose hair sucks.

The more I listen to Styx (and I've been listening to the a lot lately, sadly enough), the more I like them, and the more they amuse me.

Guitar Hero III is going to have the Beastie Boys song "Sabotage." Awesome.

I am amused to know that you can apparently make it through law school without learning how to write.

Drunkeness is next to godliness.

I can't decide which new TV show for the fall will fail first. I hope it's "Kid Nation," but I think it will be "Moonlight" or "Carpoolers."

Speaking of reality TV.......Fuck